im like the opposite of a demi.... im only attracted in the beginning....

Asexuality........ its hard...... I feel broken... I technically am I believe.... I often with I wasn't but I feel like sex is almost always a waist of time..... there so much more I could be doing instead of sex... like sleeping... I love sleep... or playing with my kitties, or random kitties.... cleaning. reading. school work.... which I am really behind in now that I think about it.....im at suck a loss for words.... I get so depressed I don't want to do anything.......

planning my shirt for pride day this weekend! so far im doing a tie dye shirt in the asexual colors and the words in the pan colors...

 

I had weird dreams last night, but lets save that for later!

 

I wish my boyfriend would go to events with me and openly support me but the fact he stays with me and has backed off with the touchy feely bugging me is amazing.

 

going on a super cleaning spree today, cant afford to eat till he gets home for dinner. I have EDs and today im giving in to ana.... I found my kitchen table!!!! haven't seen it in about 6+ months!!! im tyred of giving in to my depression and no one wanting to come over because my house is so messy... now my floor is covered in stuff though! rawrg. got a coffee maker and a new scale yesterday, just set them up.... 198.4lbs.... I was 115 two years ago... time for a trash run and then coffee.... or tea... not sure yet... ugh 6 hours till I can eat....

the past few days have been good, extra hours at work. seeing my boyfriends friends. ice cream. he is being a lot more respectful of my prudeness since I told him. Boston pride parade this weekend. most likely going.

i was having bad dreams all lstnight... colors...black gray white purple.... i felt like no1 wanted me, like i wasnt alowd to do anything. i kept tring to cuddle up to my boyfriends but everytime i did i felt like i wasnt allowd too... so my friend pretty much said i didnt exist yesterday, not sure if i mentioned that at all in my last post.... it hurt. then she corected the message with the extent of when my bf leaves me over this she hopes i will be sexualy attracted to the next person all the time like a normal person....

thats like if i were to look at her and said: well i hope that when your girlfriend leaves you because of how manish your body is (her gf hates that) that you start sluting around with every guy you see giving head behind the bleachers and lieing about it even though you have pubes in your braces....

besties all these years, there when she came out but when its my turn nothing....

where to start.... well I'm starting this blog in hopes of helping anyone struggling with their sexuality, weather you have found it or are still searching... I'm calling it A Gray world because I am a graysexual... I just found this out recently and am having a hard time with it and telling people... within two days I have lost friends from the local LGBT+ because my sexuality "isn't real"